Feels good to be alive...

I was sitting here thinking of the fire that I've been in since October 2024 -- the month the "C" word became a part of my life. When I was diagnosed it took me a week to really understand what was being said to me. After all, me? cancer? at this age? where they do that at??? I couldn't wrap my mind around why this was a part of my journey, and especially now. I had so many plans that required my body and mind to be vibrant, and cancer came and bulldozed it all.

I cried. I panicked. I asked God if this was for real...I believe I asked Him "why". Then I asked Him to give me the strength to endure; and that He did. The Lord led me to go the chemo route, although family wanted me to do herbs, vegan etc, but I know myself and I definitely lack discipline in those areas, especially if it doesn't taste good on my palette.

The journey of chemo was very hard, but God did just as I asked and gave me mental, spiritual and emotional strength daily. There were many days I couldn't speak enough to pray, my body dragged from bed to toilet and the bed was my only comfort. I lost my beautiful head of hair, eyebrows, nose hair, every kind of hair, nails came out: toenails and fingernails went black and started falling out, taste bud was gone - at one point my tongue was black for a few months. I would freeze my hands and feet to prevent neuropathy; prayed hard when peripheral vision would go dark -- scared me so much!

I felt like a total wreck and God kept reminding me that He has never left and was still beside me the whole way.

On this journey, my body entered a kind of menopause and the hot flashes were no joke. I do pray I don't have to experience them when I finally arrive at menopause age.

This journey had many ups and downs, many tears but I was given, by God's grace, the strength to endure that drew me so much closer to my First Love. The Lord showed me sides of Him I didn't know existed in how He cared and provided for me. He never allowed me to be bedridden or hospitalized to where I could't work. If it was only 2-hours of work a day, I did it and he multiplied. He allowed me to learn how to accept help from others, and draw closer to the community that has been there all along, but I never engaged it.

As I continue to write. I will tell you more.

This journey ended September 2025 ---- only to be re-diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer that metastasize to my right lung ---- now this one----we will walk together-----again.

May the Lord continue to be gloried in this storm.